Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hump Day Humor

This is a recent posting on Craig’s list Portland, OR

"To the woman that crapped in my car (NE Portland). We met on Craigs List
so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could possibly be
the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am
willing to look past that. I thought we had a chemistry sitting at
McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots and drinking Terminator Stout.
I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be
intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just
happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please
don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto-Bismol the next day
and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was
meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on
multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. it
happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I probably win
95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100%. That's why they call
it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants.
In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand
could have been a tad better--like when you're not sitting on a heated
leather seat. What I am trying to say is that, if you want to try to go
out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can
get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I
await your call.

P.S. If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early, touche.


  1. Interesting find. I have a friend who dated a guy who liked to "shit" the bed at night. It wasn't on purpose. But, the embarrassment of the entire "shit" ended the dating :-( My friend really liked him. She would have put up with it. I agree - never trust a fart.

  2. Thanks for the laugh--I needed it!!

  3. that's hysterical. i loved it.